Bonds
by Akrim
Summary: Nakamori Aoko gets one last chance before she's thrown into jail and decides to join a team lead by none other than Kudo Shinichi. Things don't go well from there, though. Aoko-centric, AUish, takes place about 5 years later, rated for swearing and blood
1. Prolog

Bonds

Prolog

 _I wonder if it's still raining,_ Aoko thought to herself.

Last she remembered it was coming down in buckets. But that could have been hours ago and the weather could change within seconds, really, so it could either still be raining or the sun could be shining.

 _Or it could be cloudy. I think the weather forecast said it'd be cloudy today, once it stopped raining, that is._

She'd like to look and see what weather it was but as far as she could tell there was no window inside the room they kept her in.

 _Well, they'd be stupid to keep a window inside an interrogation room. I mean, they're not_ that _stupid._

"Fucking start talking, _bitch!_ " a voice next to her bellowed before her face was smashed against the table in front of her – again.

It hurt. She groaned but more in annoyance than in pain because, really, could they just _stop_ hitting her head already? Could they not, like, box her in the stomach or something?

She'd have liked to fight back but her hands were cuffed to the same table her face met just now and fighting a police officer never looked good, because in first instance everyone always believed the officer and it didn't matter if he was right or wrong. People might investigate and find out that the officer was in the wrong in the end but before that _you_ are _always_ at fault and get thrown into a cell.

Aoko tasted blood in her mouth. It had been there before but she also might have bitten on her tongue when they hit her or smashed her head against the table. She couldn't tell for sure which one it was. It could be her lip, too, or maybe they broke her nose. She couldn't really tell since her whole face – her whole body hurt. It felt like it was on fire. Even taking a single breath was an agony.

But the girl had had worse and showing weakness wasn't like her, it never was, so she just swallowed the pain and tried to stay positive. Of course, they could kill her, but hey, that's the worst that could happen, right?

Aoko grinned. _Yeah, and right now death doesn't sound that bad, either._

"What the hell are you grinning about now, bitch?!" He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her head back against the back of the chair, ready to punch her again.

Closing her eyes shut, anticipating the blow, Aoko held her breath.

"What the hell?!"

The blow never came.

Cracking her better eye open, the girl wondered what was going on _now._ There was the fist right there, on the way to strike her but it was held back by the wrist of another hand. A hand which belonged to a man.

She took a shuddering breath.

A man who looked just like Kaito. Of course, if wasn't Kuroba Kaito – his hair was different and the eye color was a different shade. Those were the first things she noticed about this man because she had always quite liked that about Kaito – before that is. This man, who wasn't Kaito, was ready to pounce but he didn't look like he would resolve to violence. There was a subdued anger there, a dangerous anger, though, she'd much rather not face. However, by the look of it he might first finish off this officer and then her.

"Is this how you use your power? How you get information out of suspects and innocents, all the same?"

His voice was clear, didn't waver one bit, it wasn't even strained but the message was clear. The officer whose name she never quite got – since no one ever told her and she never asked – had overstepped his boundaries by far and would have to face consequences later.

"And who are _you, brat?!"_ It was an insult but the not-Kaito didn't react to it, at all. She started wondering if maybe it was Kaito after all, what with his Poker Face and all. But no – Kaito had vanished off of this earth a long time ago. There was no way this was him. And besides, Kaito could change everything of himself – everything but his eyes and those were definitely not his.

"Kudo Shinichi, Detective. I'm sure you've heard of me."

 _Right. I must have hit my head pretty bad for not recognizing him right away._

The officer instantly whisked his arm away from the detective's grip and stood angrily before him.

"And what, pray tell, is a detective doing here?!" mister angry-head bellowed with clenched teeth.

"Nakamori-san is joining my group. I'm here to pick her up. Now move, Tarou-san." Kudo went around the officer obviously called Tarou, took some keys out of his pants pockets and opened Aoko's handcuffs.

"Do you think you can stand, Nakamori-san?" he asked softly. She _was_ a little startled by the softness in his voice since it had been quite some time since someone had been kind of nice to her. Maybe that was the reason why she just kept dumbly staring at him without being able to utter a single word.

"What the hell are you brat _doing?!_ That bitch is a suspect in a drug deal, there is _no_ way she is joining some dumb group, much less yours. She is not going anywhere!"

She must have looked utterly confused and probably pained because his lips cracked the most sincere smile she'd seen in the longest time. A smile that should give her hope, telling her things would be alright, to trust him. Probably.

Then his lips thinned and he roused and turned around, shielding the girl with his back and glared at the officer.

"This will have consequences for you, Tarou-san. You will lose your title, you will not ever work as a police officer, anymore, and you will most surely not touch a hair on this girl ever again. Are we clear?" he turned halfway, never leaving Tarou out of his eyes and called. "Megure-keibu. Arrest this man. He violated enough laws to spend some years in prison."

Aoko's head whipped around, surprised to see Megure-keibu inside the room, as well. Now, when did he get in? She never noticed. Apparently, Tarou didn't either, judging by the way his face paled within seconds. Or maybe he finally realized that this was it. This would have consequences, ones he wouldn't likely get away from.

When Tarou was escorted out of the room, Kudo turned to her and looked her over. He didn't overly show it but she got the feeling that he didn't like what he saw. Well, surely, she didn't look very well right now so it most likely was no surprise.

"How do you feel, Nakamori-san?" He tried to help her up but she was steady enough on her feet that she didn't need his help.

"Fine enough" she muttered rebelliously, though she didn't feel much like it – not that she'd openly show her pain and discomfort but she sure as hell wouldn't let some stuck up detective a la Hakuba help her up and walk. (Even if he acted nice enough.)

"You might have a concussion. Do you feel faint, like throwing up or having a bad headache?"

Honestly? She felt like all of them and more, but she'd been worse and survived, besides, she didn't feel the need to tell him anything. He might not smash her head against a table but he still might have horns beneath all that hair of his. If he was anything like Kaito then she couldn't trust him either way.

"I'm fine" she spat. Detective or cop, they were the same, after all.

He held her gaze for a while, his gaze intense but he showed no emotions, not even underlying like before. He nodded, then and escorted her out of the room.

"You can wash up for now but I'll have you treated at the base. Do you think you'll be fine until then?"

"I told you, _detective_ , I'm fine. I don't need treatment. And what is this whole thing you're talking about? It's all bullshit! I'm not joining no weird detective group!"

Maybe there had been a time when she would have gladly accepted such a chance, she would have gripped it and held tight, but today was not that time anymore.

"I'm afraid you have no say in that matter, Nakamori-san. It was decided you'd join my team and that's that. Well" he said and turned to look her in the eyes. "of course, it's either that or prison."

She looked angrily back at him. She had thought that this might be it – that she would not get out of it without facing some consequences. It came sooner than she anticipated, but it didn't surprise her that much, either.

"There'll be rules but you won't be captured inside a cell. Unless that is what you tried to accomplish I'd recommend you take this chance."

He turned around and started walking again. When they walked past a toilet, the detective stopped and pushed her inside.

"Clean up, Nakamori-san."

She growled a little at the hand he put on her back to push her inside but to be honest, he was careful. It wasn't forceful at all and even rather gentle but he probably just did that because all the other officers were looking, not that they'd step in but it sure would tarnish his reputation. (She was but a criminal, no one ever stepped in before, so why would they suddenly start now?)

Looking at herself through the mirror, Aoko sighed. They got her good, so good that she wondered why that detective didn't run away the first second he lay his eyes on her. She looked like a _monster._ Her eyes swollen and already turning blue, her lip busted, blood trailing down her whole face, she wasn't sure if her nose wasn't broken – well, she'd know tomorrow.

"No one will be able to touch you again if you're under my jurisdiction, Nakamori-san. What just happened will be the very last time someone misused their power on you."

Her knuckles were as bloody as her face, torn and sore but thankfully they weren't bleeding anymore so she could clean her face to finally look human enough. At least her face, that is, her black sweater was torn on several places and dirty (blood and soil and sweat) and her black jeans really didn't look any better.

When she finally turned towards him, signaling that she was done cleaning up, he left through that same door, Aoko slowly following behind him – contemplating his words.

"It's better than prison, Nakamori-san. Of course, illegal fighting won't get you more than a few months in prison but maybe you'd still like to spend that time rather freely."

"You must know that I'm a criminal. Why would you let me join a group with people who are probably your friends – so people who you might treasure. Why would you let a criminal like me join that group? I could hurt them, after all. Why take this risk?"

He stopped abruptly at her words and tensed up visibly.

"Are you telling me that you'll try to hurt my friends if I take you with me, Nakamori-san?" he asked without turning back towards her. His voice was even – too even for her taste.

"You must have read my file, Tantei-san. The only thing I wasn't accused of so far is murder."

His eyes softened (she wondered why). "I trust you, Nakamori-san."

Police officers around them stopped and watched the argument like a tennis match. Megure-keibu stood behind Aoko, shaking his head in disbelieve (youngsters these days).

"Nakamori-san, I'd much rather not see you in prison. And I'd even more like to not throw you in myself. For your sake and for your father's, please just go with Kudo-kun" Megure pleaded.

It hurt, the why Tantei-san looked at her – he lied – and then having her father mentioned. She hated it when someone brought him up and she knew that Megure-keibu knew as well. He probably intentionally did it to shut her up and make her go without a fight. Kudo probably wanted the same, make her go quietly. It hurt but it wasn't like she wasn't used to it by now.

Of course, living in a golden cage was better than a stone cage. However, she had heard of this group – they called themselves detectives who would solve every crime that happened, no matter how impossible it looked. They were a bunch of kids playing detective. True, they were pretty successful, but that didn't mean that she hated them any less. In prison, she'd be with fellow criminals. With Kudo she'd be with freaks who took justice just a tad bit too seriously. She didn't know which was worse, to be honest.

With Kudo, she'd be able to sneak out and leave. Escaping from prison would be hard, not impossible, but hard nonetheless and maybe escaping Kudo's grasp would be fun. Maybe it would put those justice loving freaks in a bad light for once. No one said that she'd have to like it there. She could sabotage them, right?

Megure-keibu put his hand on her back and shoved her lightly forward. "Go now, child."

Aoko stumbled a little, breathing still hurt like a bitch but damn, if going with him meant she could finally take some meds, then maybe it was worth it, after all. A prison cell would be waiting for her no matter the time and maybe, just maybe, being with that group was the right choice.

"I need my things, Tantei-san. And I need my things from home."

"Of course, Nakamori-san." His voice was slightly strained but he wasn't hostile towards her, probably still weighing the pros and cons of taking her with him. Well, that one was a first. Though, she really _did_ wonder why he gave her that choice, why they all did that. Maybe it was still for her sake and especially her father's, it was probably her name still but why risking so much just because of that? She wasn't stupid. But Aoko's head hurt and as much as she'd like to find out right there she wanted to make the pain stop.

The 22-year old followed Kudo to the reception, where she took her things out of a box. She didn't have much, but those things were incredibly precious to her. A leather band she hastily put around her wrist where it should have been all the time, her phone which she put inside her pants' pocket and the hairband they took away from her, fearing she might have a weapon stored inside her bun.

 _Yeah right,_ she scoffed.

It wasn't raining, anymore, the air felt fresh and crisp but not overly cold, a typical spring evening.

Aoko followed him obediently – like a dog, her thoughts not his, and found herself soon inside his car, which she assumed was his. The way it was polished and shined in the moonlight, it could belong no one but him. It was a nice sports car, maybe he needed it to catch criminals or maybe he needed it to impose his dominance. Maybe he simply liked it. From what Aoko gathered, Kudo Shinichi was a man who liked people to know where he stood and where they stood – not in a negative fashion though. He looked like he respected his elders, the way he talked to Megure-keibu showed her that much at least. She, on the other hand, was barely a lowly criminal. She was way beyond him, surprisingly though, he treated her with respect.

And just like he said, they stopped in front of the Nakamori residence, either because he knew for sure that she still lived there or because he didn't care if she did or not.

Aoko let out a deep sigh. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more but for Kudo to turn around and take her to that group of his, far far away from here. Unfortunately, there was no way he would do it without requesting an explanation which she wouldn't give him. Besides, she needed to get her things, right?

The house, as anticipated, was as dark as the night they were driving through.

 _It's 2 am, of course Otou-san would be asleep._ That's what she hoped at least.

Right when she wanted to finally open the door, Kudo softly grasped her right wrist, right above the band she wore.

"Are you alright?"

He looked sincere enough that she decided to be nice, for once.

She nodded. Her head pounced like a bull in hell and her body felt like it was on fire, but yeah, she was as fine as she could be. Moreover, she really didn't want him to know how she really was.

"I'll stay here and wait for you. Take your time, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to run away, Nakamori-san."

His blue eyes reflected in the moonlight, undermining what he said. He gave her a chance, a very last chance but he didn't care if she decided to go to prison, he wouldn't stop her. But he wouldn't push her towards it, either. He was a neutral third party between her two choices. And the choice was all hers.

She nodded again and left the car. The air started feeling suffocating and she couldn't tell if it was because of him or if her lungs were giving out on her.

 _Better not dwell on it for too long. Now, let's get this over with._

When she arrived at the door, Aoko realized her keys were still inside the bag she had with her at the fighting stage. Of course, those idiot officers didn't take the bag so now she was without keys. Unless her father left the door unlocked which – never mind, the door opened with ease like it was never supposed to be locked at all.

The girl slowly took step after step inside the house she's been staying at for the last 22 years. The TV was on but the rest of the house was shrouded in shadows.

Aoko stopped in front of the couch on which her father was sprawled out, beer cans and bottles of hard alcohol scattered around. From what she could see, he was unkempt and in bad need of a shower.

Seeing her father like that broke her heart. Again and again. She wished she could go back in time and save him. Save herself and save him, save everyone. But unfortunately, time traveling wasn't possible so all she could do was taking care of him when he wasn't looking.

She hastily put all the empty cans and bottles away, put a blanket over him, turned the TV off and put a glass of water on the table next to him. He knew where the meds were if he wanted to take some.

Maybe he would get better if she stopped living with him. Maybe, being in a prison cell would heal him. But maybe not. Maybe this was for the best, after all. This way she'd be away from here but she'd still be close enough to secretly watch him from afar and make sure he didn't do something stupid. That was all she could hope for now.

Deciding she needed to leave soon, she headed upstairs to quickly pack her bag. There were a few things she couldn't live without but not more than would fit inside one bag.

 _Pathetic._

Not much later she sat back inside the black car and watched the house disappear in the distance. Aoko hoped dearly her father would be alright. That this decision was the right one.

By the time they finally arrived at their destination the rain was once again heavily pouring down.

* * *

"Let me get this straight once and for all, Nakamori-san", Kudo said, before Aoko could open the door.

They had just stopped in front of a huge building somewhere in Tokyo, that much she could tell. Was she really supposed to live here? Were the others living here, as well? Were they sharing this … _mansion_?

He threw a big, heavy file on her lap. "Thieving, illegal fighting, drugs, possession of illegal weapons. The list goes on and on. In fact, I _did_ study your file, Nakamori-san."

He looked her straight in the eye. "If you had been anyone else, you'd long been in prison. But since you're the inspector's daughter, the name got you out of trouble one too many times, if you ask me."

She scoffed at that. "If you didn't want this arrangement, then why the _fuck_ am I here?!"

"Language, Nakamori-san." He contemplated his next words. "This will be your last chance. This is my place, you will live under my rules. Break them and this deal is off."

"You didn't answer my question!"

"Everyone deserves a second chance. That's why you're here. This file shows me that so far you've gotten a lot more than just a second chance. That's why there will be no second chance with me. Just this one. Take it or leave it, Nakamori-san."

He turned to get out of the car, before he looked over his shoulder to address the angry girl next to him. "And as for the rules, this is simple. You're free to do whatever you like unless it is illegal. If you end up at the station just one more time, I'll leave you there. You'll pay rent by solving cases with me, of course you can get a job if you'd like. Attending university is highly recommended."

With that he left the car.

Aoko silently seethed at his speech. Stupid detective, what the hell did he think he was? Angrily leaving the car, she took her bag from the backseat and followed that stuck-up detective inside the house.

By the time she was inside she had cooled down enough to realize that she simply had to not get caught doing those things. He said that the deal was off when she landed herself at the police station – well, before, she didn't care if they caught her or not but if it was just that, then it was simple.

"Where have you been, Shinichi?"

Aoko looked up to see a woman – who fucking looked like herself _okay_ – standing on a very impressive looking staircase. She had a frown on her face and when her eyes traveled to her own figure she gasped. "And who is that?"

"Yeah, that's what I'd like to know, as well, Kudo."

Aoko looked to her right to find a guy looking at her with narrowed eyes. Behind him a woman followed and then a guy – wait, was that _Hakuba_ and –

Aoko stilled when the next figure revealed himself. This couldn't really be true, now could it?

"Kai … to … ?" she gasped.

For a moment his poker face slipped and he looked scared, though if of her or because of something else, she didn't know. When the moment was over though, his face was as emotionless as she was used to before he just disappeared from earth. So, he'd been here all this time?

For a second her mind blanked. Everything – _everything_ – went downhill because Mister decided to just disappear. She thought, he was dead. All this time, she had been praying for his soul to find peace, regretting her choice because _dammit_ maybe if she'd been more observative he'd still be fine, she could have done something _anything._ How many nights had she spent crying and pleading with whatever God to just bring him back? How many nights had she spent lying wide awake wallowing in guilt and _pain_ because she felt responsible for his disappearance. How many nights did she actually _wander and look for him_?

In the end, he'd been here. All this time? Had he been here all this time? Safe and sound?

 _Why?_ Her voice sounded broken – even in her own mind.

She didn't know if to be angry or happy to know he was fine, after all. The only thing which was certain was disappointment that settled deep inside her chest. Disappointment to know that she was never important enough to have been told about this. To never have been considered as a friend who might want to know – no, who might _need_ to know about this. To at least know that he was safe and sound all this time. It would have been enough.

"You two know each other? Great. This is Nakamori Aoko and starting now, she's joining." Kudo said flatly.

"I object", Kaito immediately threw in.

Damn her chest hurt. Her heart hurt. He was there – right there. He just stood there, looking like … like Kaito. Kuroba Kaito her once best friend.

Before Aoko could retort the dark skinned guy interfered.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm with Kuroba on this one. Just look at her, she deserves a prison cell and not a room inside this house and freedom."

"Now shut up, Heiji! Is that how you treat a new member?!" the girl behind this Heiji guy yelled.

Aoko visibly winced. That girl was damn loud and it really didn't help her headache any. Not to mention her whole body which wasn't feeling one bit better.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when there was suddenly a hand on her shoulder. She whipped her head in the direction and stopped at her lookalike looking with sympathy at her.

She smiled softly. "My name is Mouri Ran and you need your wounds treated. Come on. I'll show you around."

"Don't touch me", she hissed in pain and took a step away from Ran.

Said girl watched her unsurely before taking a step back as well, realizing this might be just too much for the girl. "I'm sorry. Still. Those wounds need to be treated, Nakamori-san."

Ran looked nice enough, but the glare she got from that Heiji guy made her feel on edge. She didn't really want to be here in the first place but to find out that actually no one else wanted her to be here, either, made her realize that maybe this was the wrong choice after all. Kudo seemed to be nice enough but he showed her his distaste about the whole thing. This Heiji guy was outright hostile towards her and Kaito didn't want her here, either. Well, it made things pretty easy for her.

"Never mind", she said. "Thanks for trying, Tantei-san but this would never have worked out. I think I take the prison cell after all."

She smiled sarcastically before turning around and heading for the door. It's not like she wanted to be here. It's not like there was a future for her, if here or wherever her path would take her, but still … he had been the first person to not be outright hostile towards her. Kudo who stopped that bastard from bashing her head in. Maybe, if he hadn't stepped in, he really would have killed her and she still didn't know for sure if she was sad or happy about it.

Before opening the door, she turned one last time and fixed her eyes on Shinichi. She tried hard to keep the hopelessness out of her face but she guessed that she grandly failed. Straining a smile she still tried.

"Still, thanks for trying, Kudo-san. I appreciate it."

He fixed her with the same disappointed look her father looked at her with which she wanted to flee from as fast as possible but before she could, pain overtook her body. Her stomach clenched and she fell to her knees, coughing and throwing up blood.

 _Well, this is a new one. In the end, this is it, isn't it?_

"Aoko!"

"Nakamori-san!"

"Nakamori-chan!"

There was chaos around her, she could tell. Loud and quick steps echoed around her, frantic shouting and running. They must not be used to see people throwing up blood, either.

 _Probably. Heh._

Choking on her own blood, Aoko tried hard to keep calm, to try harder to breathe because, damn she'd die if she stopped but every time she tried, only more blood would come out.

She heard their voices, felt their touch when they tried to turn her around but all she saw was darkness and soon it overtook all her senses.


	2. A long day

**Bonds**

 **Chapter 1 A long day**

Usually, one Kudo Shinichi very much enjoyed solving crimes. Not because people killed each other – he detested that part, really – but more because of the chase. To have only a few to none clues and to pick up all the pieces und put the puzzle together. It thrilled him to start with nothing and get everything.

Not so today.

Today wasn't just tragic and horrific, today was downright disgusting. On days like these, Kudo Shinichi actually hated his job – on day like these he wished he hadn't become a detective maybe a teacher instead. A teacher who might see signs and prevent things. Things like today's crime.

It had been a few hours since Shinichi solved the case and yet the feeling of hopelessness hadn't left him yet. It was a rather new feeling for him. Usually, he felt numb towards the pain and gore he saw at crime scenes. Usually. Today's crime was not usual though. Not at all.

Sighing, he continued on his way to the police station. He'd already been at home – though still inside the car – when Megure-keibu had called him to come to the station. Shinichi just hoped it was not another case, he'd had enough for today. (He was sure it was worse than that.)

With the little child he couldn't save still in mind, he parked the car and left for the station.

It had been raining all day today, thankfully though it had stopped a short while ago. Closing his eyes, Shinichi breathed in deeply. The air was fresh and cold but a nice change from the stuffy room air he'd spent the whole day inside.

 _Alright, let's see what the disaster is this time._

To be honest, all the detective wanted right now, was to go home, greet his still-not-girlfriend-but-close-enough maybe even hug her – yeah he'd really appreciate a hug from her right now – and go to bed, sleep it all off. That's what he wished for. However, as things stood, that would probably not happen for the longest time, yet.

When Shinichi entered the station, people greeted him and he smiled wearily back. There was no need to be impolite even if he was tired and really didn't want to be here, at all. He was told to go find Megure in his office – well, that's what he was going to do anyway.

The second the detective knocked on his door, a very impatient Megure ripped it open and hushed him inside.

"Now, what's the matter, Megure-keibu. This is not like you at all."

"Ah, Kudo-kun, it's really good to see you. Thank you for coming at this hour. Usually, I wouldn't have called you at this hour for something like this but there is no time to waste."

Yeah, he was usually only called for murders he needed to help solve. From the way the inspector was acting, Shinichi decided it must be a pretty bad thing. A catastrophe of category 2 probably (only 1 is worse and meant nuclear destruction, so 2 was pretty bad already).

"Now, what is it, Megure-keibu?" He really tried not to sound too harsh but dammit let the guy have some rest already.

"Well, you see, as we are here right now, I have people investigating it. Rest assured, it's just a temporary agreement but one we cannot defy as it stands right now."

Megure sighed heavily and fixated Shinichi. "Nakamori Aoko is to join your group as of now."

Blinking, Shinichi thought that that must be a joke. Bit when a second passed and then another and another and Megure-keibu still didn't laugh and pat him on the back for having come here only to be told a stupid joke, he realized that the inspector truly meant it.

"It came from the higher ups, though I cannot tell you how high, as of yet. As I said, I'm working on finding out all about it."

Kudo was ready to pull out his hair in frustration. This, indeed, was a catastrophe of category two. It wasn't that he _disliked_ the girl, it just wasn't that he _liked_ her. Of course, he didn't know her, not on a personal level and not enough to be able to judge her, but he was tired and had just solved a terrible case, so really, he felt in no condition to think rationally for once.

Inside the station, Nakamori Aoko was known for her rebellious way. It had started a few years back and only gotten worse over the years. He didn't know the details but rumors had it that she was stealing, doing drugs, beating up people and other things he didn't want to think about right now. Word never got out of here because there was still her father who got her out of anything and she'd never had to face any consequences so far. Surely, Shinichi didn't know for sure if that was really true.

People tended to exaggerate if they didn't like someone, even if they did, so not all could be true. But every rumor starts from _somewhere_. So, to have that criminal girl join his team was truly disastrous.

He had characters like Kuroba and Hattori, who were a handful but now to have to take care of that girl, as well …

Maybe he was just tired and he'd see things differently once he thought them through but right now the thought of her joining really didn't raise his mood any.

"On the bright side, Kudo-kun, that girl can be very smart, if she just wants to. She's helped us solve some cases a few times. Maybe she can help you out. Learn a bit discipline from you."

Megure stopped right there when he saw the look Shinichi gave him. "There is nothing we can do about it for now, Kudo-kun. Try to give her a chance. I don't know what the higher ups think this will accomplish but maybe they're not wrong in their decision. Of course, they'll pay her rent for the time being so money should be no problem."

The detective sighed. Right. There was nothing he could do about it now. Megure would look it why she was sent to join his team but until they knew the reason his hands were bound, if the order really came from high up there. Even _he_ could not really defy them since they _did_ fund his team after all. Not that he needed it. He could just as well open a detective agency and would earn enough money for everyone to live in luxury. But having connections to the police was nice and not so much a hassle.

"So, where do I pick her up then?"

Megure laughed nervously and looked away. Bad sign. Bad sign. Shinichi wanted to erase those words. Really. Take them back and flee from there. This was going from bad to worse to _hellish_.

"Well, you see, hehe, that's the thing, Kudo-kun. The order came after Nakamori-san was captured once again. She's being interrogated right now and he he you see … "

Shinichi pinched his nose. "What is it Megure-keibu?"

"Well. It's still her decision to join your team or not. But the other option is quite bad. This time her luck has run out and she can either join you or go to prison. That's what the higher ups have decided."

"So, there is no way she will _not_ join my team, is that what you're trying to say?"

"Exactly."

"And what did she do this time?"

"Illegal underground fighting, but I they're also interrogating her for selling drugs. But to be honest, I can't imagine her doing that. It must be some kind of misunderstanding."

Megure turned around and walked to his desk. "I have actually prepared her file for you to study. Maybe you can find out what she _did_ and did not. Make sure she stops doing it, especially those underground fights, it's been getting worse and more lately. I _am_ worried about her. Even though I haven't met her often before she started her criminal career, I remember her as a decent young woman. There must be a reason why she ended like that. Of course, you also have to be cautious around her. I'd much rather not entrust her to you for both of your sakes but there is really nothing the both of us can do about it. Unless she chooses prison over your team you'll have to be really careful around her, Kudo-kun."

Shinichi nodded gravely and took the file out Megure's hands. It was rather thick and heavy, only more incriminating of her criminality.

They were a bunch of detectives and just people. He didn't want a criminal to be living with them. But Megure was also right. From what he remembers she'd been a bright and positive girl. There had to be a reason for people to change as drastically as she did.

He was probably just really tired. Usually, he gave people a lot of chances and got to know them before he judged them. But today had been really hard and the prospect of handling yet _another_ criminal just wasn't appealing at all.

He'd look at the file later.

 _Better just get it over with and go home and sleep and let Ran hug me and tomorrow might look a lot better._

"So, where exactly do I find her?"

Megure smiled enthusiastically at that and patted him on the back. "Now, that's the spirit my boy."

Shinichi hardly resisted the urge to his eyes.

When Megure-keibu took him to the more secluded interrogation rooms they usually only used for the worst criminals, Shinichi started to wonder about this. Even she _did_ drugs, there was _no_ way they'd keep her here. She didn't kill anyone and didn't come close to it, either (not that he knew of, at least). If she really was smart enough to help solving cases, then there was good inside her as well. Why _this_ then? She was either a worse criminal than Megure told him (or maybe he himself wanted to believe that there was still good inside of her) or someone _wanted_ her here. Either way, he'd find out the second he opened the door and got to talk to her.

 _By the way, Sherlock, how do you intend to talk to her anyway? She might only join because the other option is prison and that one is not very appealing._

When Shinichi opened the door to the interrogation room, the air suddenly left him and he felt like suffocating.

 _Now what_ the _fuck_ was going on?!

Maybe it was the little girl he couldn't save or all the blood or the fact that she was _still_ a girl even if a criminal but at the sight his blood was boiling the same way it had been just a few hours ago when he'd found out why someone would kill a 5 year old happy-go-lucky girl.

Kudo Shinichi wasn't someone who'd shout out his rage – he'd rage silently and if he was any less noble he'd plot his revenge in darkness and make someone pay dearly.

This time, though, he was short of letting go of his values and do the worst.

He didn't, of course, but the sight of a handcuffed girl getting ruthlessly beaten by an officer who was undoubtedly misusing his power, without being able to protect herself made him seethe in rage.

It was one unnecessary death too many and he'd be damned if he let another one happen – and this was _exactly_ where it was going.

He didn't even know how he bridged the distance in a more moment and before that officer could touch her even one more time, he'd had his wrist in a firm grip which he wouldn't let go until that bastard _backed off_.

He would have grinned at the incredulous look he was given if he'd not been as angry. Did this man truly believe what he was doing was the right thing? It took every ounce of Shinichi's will power and self-restraint to not hit the man across his face – the very same way he did with Nakamori-san.

But he didn't, instead Kudo turned around, his back to the officer since he was sure that man wouldn't actually hurt _him_ – _he wouldn't dare –_ and swallowing his anger, he smiled at the girl. She looked like hell and probably felt like it as well, so he _needed_ to reassure her (she must have felt terrified though she didn't quite look like it – he didn't want to think about what that insinuated).

He wondered if he should ask her if she was okay and decided against it, since she, _apparently_ , was not. Instead, he asked if she could stand up and got her out of the handcuffs. He was appalled by the way the cuffs had cut into her wrists because they were too tight.

Criminal or no criminal, no human being deserved to be treated like that and Kudo decided to give her an honest chance, after all. In this situation, she was nothing but the victim of police brutality which he couldn't and _didn't_ tolerate in any way possible.

He tried to smile at her, telling her through that that things would be ok again, he'd make them ok and stood up to face that bastard who had the galls to violate his power. He felt disgusted with the man, the way he just didn't get that this wasn't how you're supposed to treat people even if they're supposed to be criminals.

Shinichi would have been offended that this _man_ didn't even know who he was but he was too angry to care for once. He didn't much feel like talking to him, either. Thankfully though, Megure-keibu was right there and escorted the ex-officer out of the room.

When he looked the girl over he felt guilt and sympathy. She must be in pain, probably horrible pain what with all the blood and her swollen face. He'd probably have to take her to the hospital first. The way she looked, the surprised look with which she fixated him – now, she couldn't be _that_ bad, right?

The way Nakamori's head looked, she might have a concussion, maybe even worse but there was her rebellious nature, telling him that she was fine enough. Well, then he'd not take her to the hospital. She'd probably tell him or anyone if she really needed to go there (he hoped at least) and instead had her go clean up before taking her with him.

He was kind of surprised when she apparently really thought about going to prison instead of with him. No one ever said she'd have to stay inside the house and never go out unless he allowed her to. He was no babysitter and he wouldn't become one. He was only supposed to make sure she didn't get into anymore trouble. Again though, he was no babysitter and he'd do a damn to change that. If she decided to be trouble then she was on her own. But if he gave her a chance and she took it he'll be the last person to reject her.

He was wary of her, of course, couldn't really tell what she was thinking – he never understood the mind of a criminal – and when she honestly asked him why he'd risk his friends, he wanted to call it off right away. It _was_ a stupid idea from the start and she as well as he himself were both were skeptical of it working, even if he tried his hardest to not let it show on his face or in his language.

That was when Megure intervened because he probably realized what this was leading to and thankfully that man had brains to turn the situation around.

Shinichi decided to give her a chance. She might be nice enough. He'd not trust her and surely not open up to her but he'd give her an honest chance to gain his trust and find the right path in life again. He'd help her as much as he could and she'll be willing to accept.

He agreed to drive her home to get her things before returning to the base, internally already fearing the arguments Hattori will throw his way. Haibara will be another problem. Well, there was nothing he could do about it, though so he just endured the oncoming headache and hoped he'd be soon in bed and resting.

When Aoko left to get her things, the detective took out the file to study it. She'd been very quiet during the whole ride, nothing of what he'd imagined her to be. When she was like that she seemed pretty amiable.

Her file, though, showed another picture entirely. Things had started to go downhill about five years ago. First it was street fights, gang fights then it came to drugs. It looked like she actually made it to university but if she continued like this she wouldn't be able to stay. A few cases of theft those they could never really pin it to her, it were mostly assumptions.

 _Tche._

Assumptions were the worst. They could get an innocent into prison. They were _not_ tangible. At least, she'd not been taken accountable for those crimes. Stealing a car and having an illegal match. Shinichi was kind of surprised at that. She'd need to know the people to get into that underground scene and he wasn't sure he liked knowing that she probably did. (Of course, how _else_ did she get into that?) A lot more fighting, misuse of alcohol, illegal possession of guns, repeatedly. And then there were a few cases she'd apparently helped solve. They were not mane in comparison to the many crimes she'd committed and he'd have to study it more carefully to see if maybe she had an ulterior reason to do all these things.

Still, seeing it black and white on paper made him realize that this girl might be dangerous. She might have a temper and not work well with others. If she were constantly fighting with everyone then things would go down the drain pretty fast and he hadn't worked so hard to have it ruined by some criminal girl.

That's why he set some rules after she came back and before she could make it inside the house. The guys would not make it easy and if she didn't know where she stood, she'd make it even harder.

Of course, there was actually no deal saying that she'll be out the second she lands herself at the station (just thinking about it made him shudder (all the blood and violation of rules) – he'll probably not sleep well today). Still, he needed to set rules and if she knew her place, he hoped, she'd be more compliant. He really hoped that.

Well, the meeting went worse than expected and how the hell did Kuroba and Hakuba know her? On the bright side, he'd be able to get information out of the thief and also, maybe things won't be as bad if she had people who she knew.

What he didn't expect though, was for her to take her things and actually choose prison over freedom, especially after he told her that she wouldn't be restricted at all (beside the thing with the illegal stuff that is). And when she turned around and broke down his day went from worse to downright _hell_ and all he did then was praying to God that she didn't, in the end, die on him.

* * *

When Shinichi thought back to that day, he couldn't help but shudder.

At first, he had had to solve a case where a woman killed her sister's five year old girl and then he'd had taken a 22 year old criminal woman who had massive internal bleedings but _didn't say_ _a damned word about it_ (she _must_ have been in agony) to join his team because there was someone inside the police who thought it was a good idea. In retrospect it was probably what saved her life.

Again, he shuddered.

Had he left her with ex-officer Tarou, he'd have killed her for sure. If she'd been put in custody, she most likely wouldn't have made it either. Having been with him and his team was probably the only thing that actually saved her life.

It _had_ been a close one, that's for sure. She had undergone a difficult emergency surgery but in the end she had survived. (Though, he still thought that it was more a miracle than skill.)

During the time she spent in hospital he was able to talk to his team, after he'd slept a wink – _finally –_ and though some ( _Hattori_ ) still didn't accept it, it was nonetheless decided that she'd stay with them.

Kuroba was strangely tame after she'd collapsed but he figured that the guy was worried about her and after he gave him her file he wasn't against her joining at all, anymore. Shinichi decided that Kuroba's joining must have had something to do with the girl which was the reason that Kuroba was against it at first. When he'd realized what's become of her, he'd changed his mind pretty fast.

Kudo didn't pry because he still wasn't completely sure what to make of it. Hattori gave him hell about letting a criminal join and the girls didn't complain much. He'd just wait and see. If thinks weren't working out at all and if she didn't fit in with their group then he'd just throw her out but just like he promised himself before, he'd give her a chance first.

* * *

AN: I forgot to put it up in the last chapter

This was inspired by the awesome MintChocolateLeaves story The Innocence Game. Please check it out if you liked my story and even more so if you didn't like it!

And feel free to leave a review :) I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.


	3. Why?

Hello!

Thank you guys so damn much for all the reviews! They kept me highly motivated so here is chapter 3!

Well, what can I say? This is a raw version because I need to go to bed but I wanted to have this one out already. It didn't turn out the way I had planned. Aoko somehow simply did her own thing, well, yeah. She is quite a force, isn't she? Anyway, I think this fits her character for this story. I hope it's not too confusing, thing will be explained little by little.

I hope you'll enjoy. I'd love to hear what you think about it :)

(Once I get to it I'll edit it, so sorry, if there are mistakes and since English is my third language, there are bound to be some. I apologize!)

Now on with the story.

* * *

 **Bonds**

 **Chapter 2 Why?**

"Alright, let's try this once more. This is Nakamori Aoko, as of now she's joining out team."

Aoko sighed inwardly. She'd been kept in the hospital for eight days until she'd been deemed healthy enough (though those doctors wanted to keep her at least a few more days because after such heavy internal bleeding there was _no_ way she'd just heal within eight days) by hers truly and that's how she was back here where no one wanted her.

Kaito had visited her quite often, brought her flowers, chocolate, really he'd acted like _before_ and _before_ was something she most likely _didn't_ want to be reminded of, so she mostly just ignored him and his attempts at _cheering her up_ his words not her.

Once, Hakuba visited her as well, because apparently that fucker thought it was a good idea to do that until she nearly leapt out of the hospital bed to try to throttle him because _what the fuck was he actually thinking suddenly pretending to care about her_? He'd been not allowed to visit her again since then, both for his and her sake since she nearly opened her wounds again and it wasn't like she cared much if she lived or died but it sure _was_ a damned hassle to be on meds and in pain.

The girl wondered if Kaito didn't actually tell Kudo about her murder attempt because she was still allowed to move here where that fucker was staying, too, because during that time only that blond damned Brit and Kaito have been there. He was lucky, Kaito was there to hold her back and throw that idiot out of the room before he had to hide a murder.

It was later that Kaito told her that he'd arranged things to get Hakuba back to Britain for an unknown amount of time – if he thought she'd feel grateful towards him then he should think again.

She wondered if she'd ever forgive Kaito for deceiving her like that. He was doing an amazing job on getting on her good side already and in the end, it had all been his decision, right? He wanted to leave, yeah well, he could. He didn't owe her an explanation or anything. If he wanted to just vanish of the earth's ground then she had no right to demand to know. Even though, _still_ , even if he didn't owe her anything, if he hadn't – no, she wouldn't go there.

Hakuba, though, she couldn't forgive. No matter what his motivation, no matter what excuse he had, there was no way she could forgive Hakuba for straight out lying into her face. He'd _known_. Hakuba had known all the time that Kaito was safe and sound and he never ever said a fucking word.

She'd been ready to break, to give up and die if need be, she'd been ready to do _anything_ just to find out if Kaito was alright. And Hakuba knew that. And that bastard dared to keep mum about it and not tell her a dammed word. It would have been enough to take her aside and tell her that Kuroba was fine. Sure, she'd probably demanded to know more but she could have given that up if she'd just known at least that much. If he just told her that Kaito wasn't dead and didn't lie, reassuring her how he didn't know where Kuroba was and was Kuroba alright? Who knows? things would be so much different now.

She had trusted Hakuba. She'd always thought that guy was honest and someone she could trust. She never doubted him even once. That's why his deceiving hurt all the more. That's why she could never forgive _him_. Kaito – maybe in due time because while he just vanished on her, he at least never straight up lied into her face. Even if, when she was truly honest with herself, she would _never_ be able to fully forgive him.

If Hakuba hadn't lied to her and instead told her, _that day_ would have ended a lot differently. _Everything_ would be different now.

Of course, if Kaito hadn't left in the very first place, long before that things could have been prevented.

(Aoko knew, no matter how much she hated Hakuba and blamed him for what happened, in the end, he wasn't at fault here and neither was Kaito. She was the only one to blame, she was the only one she should be angry with, the only one she should hate. But sometimes it was easier to blame someone else, as well. It made the burden a little lighter. It made her hate herself a little less.)

So, after eight days she was released from the hospital and nice, pure Kudo was, of course, waiting for her to take her to the place she was supposed to spend an unknown amount of time.

Of course, after she'd been fine enough to hold a conversation he'd asked if she really preferred prison over his team. He'd promised to talk with everyone and told her to just give them time to adjust.

Well, she used to be one to play fair, she used to be the really nice girl who only ever chased around Kaito because he was an insolent little brat but that was a long time ago and she just didn't feel like playing nice.

Still, being here was maybe _still_ the better alternative than prison so that's why she told him that _fine_ she'd join.

So, here she was, standing in front of those guys who hated her guts and she just couldn't make herself to care about it. (It _did_ hurt, as much as she tried to stomp those feelings down, it _hurt_ to know she had no allies, even those just people rather saw her behind bars than gave her one last chance.)

"So", Kaito interfered, magically appearing in front of his childhood best friend. "This is Ran-chan, next to her is Kazuha-chan and that loud mouthed guy is Hattori ( _oi!_ ), who you've already met. You'll meet Sonoko-chan and Sera-chan once they're back from classes. Then there's only little nee-chan who you'll meet soon enough. And to introduce the best as last - me", he bowed deeply, taking her hand and trying to kiss it before she harshly took it away "you already know, but in case you forgot my name is the-"

Aoko turned her back to Kaito, not in the least interested in his stupid ass self-absorbed speech (this is actually what she didn't miss (yes she did, this is _everything_ she's missed _so_ much no it isn't nothing is)) and stared at Kudo. She wanted him to know just _how much_ she hated being here and he, in turn, could only sigh at Kuroba's attempts to make it all easier for everyone.

"Ojou-sama, you _wound_ me" he said theatrically, clasping his heart dramatically as if he had a heart attack. If this was five years back she would have chuckled fondly at his display, but this is five years later and all she could think about was how to get away from him and his antics which were only suffocating her.

"Come on, I'll show you your room, someone can show you around later."

Aoko simply nodded and followed him up.

The house, no _mansion_ , was very nice. It was incredibly spacey and had big enough accommodations for _everyone_. They were not quite in central Tokyo but still close enough so she was really surprised to find such a place.

The entrance hall was comparatively small what with only an area to leave the shoes. The living room which followed right after was humongous, though. It was a single room with a kitchen to the left side and to the right side a couch with a flat screen and behind that a pretty large table (which definitely fit all parties quite comfortably). Everything was quite western styled.

In the middle was a pretty broad stairway and next to it was a dark hall. She'd find out what was there later.

She followed Kudo upstairs through a hall with some doors.

"Here are basically just the sleeping quarters. Your room is between mine and Kuroba's."

"So you can control me easier, well, isn't that great?" she mentioned sarcastically.

Kudo sighed and stopped in front of one door. It was the forth on the right side. Probably hers and the last one would be Kaito's while the third was then Kudo's.

"Let's get this straight, Nakamori-san. I'm not your babysitter and I will not be. If you want to run away, but all means, just do so."

"Like hell, Kudo. What the hell are you telling her?!" Kaito threw in, having followed them up. Turning to Aoko, he continued. "You _will_ not run away, got it?"

"Shut up, Kuroba! Anyway. As I said, you if you want to run away, do so. Go right through the front door, no one will stop you. You don't have to sneak out. Likewise, if you think you need to sneak out to do your criminal stuff, then do that. You're here because you chose to be. If you don't want to be here, no one will stop you. And I'm sure I don't have to remind you of our deal."

"I guess this is my room, huh?" she said coldly while pushing him roughly away from the door. She opened it, entered what was to become her room and closed hastily closed the door in Kaito's face. That guy was too damn pushy for her taste.

Leaning against the door she tried her hardest to push all those thoughts out of her head. Even if she hated to admit it but it _damn_ hurt to hear that she didn't mean nothing for anyone to actually stop her from walking out that door. Just like that first day when _no one_ stopped her from leaving (not that they could since she pretty soon collapsed but still).

It hurt but there was nothing she could do to change it. This was something she had to do and honestly, she's had worse. She's been at worse places. This was the most sheltered she's been in a long time.

The room wasn't very big, it only contained a bed which was on the left side and right next to it was a table in front of the window. On the left towards the door where she stood was a wardrobe.

The right side of the room didn't have much space but it was enough for her to fill it with something. It was all empty beside her bag which was sitting on her bed, she'd have to do some decorating but then again, would she be here long enough for it to be worth it? Did she even want to personalize it? Honestly, what was the point even?

Pushing herself from the door, she strode over to the bed and after throwing the bag on the floor she fell on the bed, already mentally absolutely exhausted. The bed, at least, smelled fresh and clean and it was incredibly soft and it was made so she didn't have to lift a finger for once but simply rest.

Judging by the silence Aoko figured that this house wasn't just quite big, it must also have soundproof walls. Kaito liked being loud and judging by her encounter with the Osakan duo (Kaito had told her about them) they didn't quite know the concept of silence, either. But lying here in her bed she didn't hear a single sound that wasn't her own breath or heartbeat. Maybe things would be different if all those people were up here, though. She'd see soon enough probably.

 _What the hell's Bakaito's problem, anyway?_

He's not been like this even _before_. It had started before her 17th birthday that Kaito became quite distanced and over time it got only worse. He'd often cancelled their plans and the time close to vanishing he's not even been cancelling them, anymore, he simply hadn't come. For him to be acting like this, did he feel guilty? Did he feel responsible for what became out of her?

It's not like it was his fault, not directly anyway. Things concerning him led to this, that was undeniably true, but she was her own person and decisions she made were her alone. He made have influenced her, maybe steered her decisions but unmistakably her actions were her alone. She was her own person, an adult at that, who could make her own decisions and thus shoulder the consequences, as well.

Since Kaito never forced her to do anything there was no way why he should feel guilty or anything, really. He made his own decisions and she her own. They both had to face consequences based on those decisions now. They had their own demons to face but neither was at fault for the other's demons.

He didn't need to make a fool of himself to repent for his sins, which, again, were not sins in the first place. They were simply decisions he made. There were _always_ consequences, both good and bad. One just had to make sure to be able to live with them and sometimes people made choices without ever imagining what kind of consequences it might bring.

She'd tell him to stop it, it was annoying.

Sighing, she snuggled more into her cushions and for once enjoyed some peace and warmth. It was a welcome change for now. The hospital bed had been rather hard and she was all stiff from lying on it all the time. She itched for some movement but at the same time she was tired from the charade she had to witness just a few minutes ago. Kudo tried not to be hostile but even he didn't pretend wanting to have her here.

Maybe she should just leave, after all. They'd be much happier. It wasn't that she cared about their happiness she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle all the hate and negative feelings of not being welcome here. Bigger people broke by being bullied all the time. But then, she didn't want to make it easy for them, either. They wanted war? Well then she'd give them war.

But before she could ponder it any more, a knock broke her out of her thoughts.

"Nakamori-san, there was a murder. How about you accompany us?"

A murder, huh? Must be a tough case if they called the detectives, not that they were so great or anything.

"Coming" she mumbled and got out of bed, nearly crashing into the wall by stumbling over her damn bag. (She should have unpacked first, honestly, _Aoko._ ) Cursing, she made her way over to the door. She wore the same sweater she had when Kudo had picked her up from the station. Someone must have washed it since it had no blood stains anymore and it really smelled considerably nice. It was enough for the weather to not get cold.

She threw the door open to come face to face with a Kudo Shinichi. "Look, I'm sor-"

"Shut it, I don't wanna hear it. You don't like me, well, newsflash, I don't like you, either. So let's stop pretending this is something either of us really want and simply get used to it. In the end, if it becomes _too much_ for you, _tantei-san,_ then just throw me out. I don't give a single _fuck_."

With that she turned around and left for the stairs.

Well, what waited for her downstairs wasn't much better then before. "Are you sure this little princess can stomach a crime scene, Kudo?" Hattori asked sarcastically.

"Better a princess than an insolent brat like you." Aoko countered coldly.

"You little- _what_ did you say?!" Heiji yelled.

"Oi! That's enough you two. Unless you pull yourselves together I'm leaving you here!" Shinichi argued and fixated both with a look of pure annoyance. This was going _really_ great, wasn't it?

" _Che_ ", Hattori spit out. "Stupid _princess_ " he mumbled under his breath, quite knowingly ignoring the glare directed his way of one Detective of the East.

Aoko bit her tongue from retorting a curse he very well deserved but she didn't want to get kicked off of the investigation, so she shut up. She'd retaliate later – that much was for sure.

"If you've finally calmed down, let's go" Kudo expressed exasperated.

* * *

The car ride was quite salm mostly because Kudo debriefed them on the case. It was a young girl, barely 18 years old who died in a hotel room. She was still in high school, a very bright girl with a bright future ahead of her. She was the smartest student in class, didn't drink or smoke or did nothing remotely criminal. The picture perfect daughter, really.

She was found dead in a cheap hotel room with strangulation marks on her neck. The room service found her, a woman in her 50s. There were more suspects, with alibis and without but Aoko didn't much care about it.

When they arrived she went straight for the dead girl.

"Oi, _princess,_ what the hell are you _doing_?!" Hattori yelled when she kneed next to the victim. She ignored him, for better or for worse, and focused on her task instead. Maybe she _should_ have communicated and told them what she was doing but she really had no nerve for that. Those bratty detectives were annoying enough as it was, having to explain beforehand was just a drag, so she didn't. Megure-keibu who was at the scene stopped them from interfering, having already witnessed this a few times.

Aoko put a hand on the victim's forehead and held her breath to feel – nothing. There was nothing. She waited a second longer than necessary, waiting for it to happen but already knowing that nothing would.

Opening her eyes, she let go and put her hand back in her pocket. There was sadness in her brown, once bright, eyes.

Sighing, she shook her head.

After standing back up, Aoko faced the detectives. "She committed suicide."

" _Ha?!_ And how the hell do you know that, _princess_?!"

For a second, Aoko was about to punch him in the face. "Call me a princess one more time and I'll _break_ your fucking jaw, _Hattori_!"

"Oi, oi, children, this is a crime scene, take it out outside, got it?" Megure-keibu interfered. "What makes you think it was a suicide, Nakamori-san?"

Aoko shrugged. "I'm not a detective, keibu. Let's have _them_ figure it out." She pointed towards Kudo and Hattori, of which the first was already doing his job. He was kneeling right where she had been a moment before, touching the girl's forehead and wondering how Aoko got to the conclusion that it was a suicide.

When he looked at her, confused and curious, she couldn't help but elaborate a little. It probably wouldn't lift much of his confusion but might shed some light.

"There was nothing, Megure-keibu. She didn't feel anything when she died. I don't think there will be a suicide letter, either."

"What makes you think that, Nakamori-san? She has choke marks on her neck. How do you explain that?" Kudo inquired.

Aoko shook her head. "I don't. Maybe someone tried to make it look like a murder after she killed herself. Really, that's your job, not mine. All I can tell you is, she felt nothing when she died. Only people who intend to kill themselves feel nothing. If she'd been killed, she would have felt something. Terror, surprise, fear, maybe even happiness for she might have recognized that person who might have been someone she liked, before that one killed her. But there was nothing."

Aoko felt cold all of a sudden. The emptiness she had felt was the same as before. She _knew_ what she was talking about even if they didn't understand. She didn't _need_ them to. If they were as good as they were always preaching then they'd find out sooner or later.

Her job was done. This was not what she was after, after all.

Terror gripped her and her heart clenched in her chest. Breathing became hard momentarily and _fuck_ she needed to get out _now._

"I'm leaving now", she squeezed out.

The critical look Kudo was giving her didn't escape her but she couldn't care less.

It took way too long to find a bathroom in which she could lock herself in before she broke down, clutching at her chest, panting hard. Shuddering hard, she had difficulty planting her hand inside her sweater's pocket.

 _Damn it,_ damn _it! Breathe, Aoko, just breathe. Calm down. It's nothing. You're fine. Everything's fine. Come on. Count to five. One. Two. Th-_ damn!

Aoko was cowering on the floor while fighting to take in oxygen which was getting harder and harder by the second. Her heart was beating like crazy, panic overtaking her more and more the longer she couldn't _breathe_ until _finally_ she gripped the damned syringe she was fishing for. Uncapping it took some skill but was easier than finding it before she rammed it into her thigh.

If Kudo saw this pathetic display, he'd probably send her to the crazy house right away.

Taking in big gulps of air, Aoko shuddered even more. This one was close. So very close on so many levels.

There was no way she could have Kudo or, even worse, _anyone else_ know about this. She'd have to be more careful about it from now on. She couldn't break down in front of them again.

Shuddering with pain, her lungs were still burning, Aoko lied on her back. Putting her arms over her head, she tried hard to get her breathing to even out, to calm down but it was harder than she ever remembered it being.

Maybe a cell _was_ the better option, after all. No one would care, if she had one these in prison. She didn't think those detectives cared, either, but she also didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing just _how_ bad her mental state really was.

 _Damn!_

Punching the ground in anger, she really wondered if this was worth it. If she was having these attacks as violently as right now, just because she had to hide from those detectives (and Kaito, there was _no_ way she'd let him know _ever_ ) in addition to try to calm down, she didn't think she'll be able to pull it all off.

Not like this.

After a while, when she felt composed and her breathing even enough, she stood up. Her legs were pretty shaky but it would be enough to get her back.

* * *

It took her a while to get back and once she was, it was already evening. But the air outside was cool and it soothed her burning lungs, the space outside calmed her mind and by the time she arrived at the _mansion_ , she could think again.

But the second Aoko opened the front door, she wished she had stayed as far away as possible.

Hattori looked up crossly, fixating her with his sour look. "So, are ya back, ya _princess_?" he asked, falling back into his Osakan accent.

Well, but that _did_ it. She _did_ warn him. She told him if he called her that just one more time, she'd break his jaw and break his jaw is what she did.

He couldn't look away fast enough before she was standing in front of him, fists raised, look deadly, feet apart the way she'd been taught.

She heard gasps all around her, jumping and footsteps, crying (probably Kazuha, she wasn't absolutely sure) and the satisfying sound of cracking a bone.

Hattori flew nearly threw half the room before roughly landing on his back, crying in pain from the blow. Kazuha was instantaneously at his side, Ran following. Kaito grabbed her quite roughly by the elbow, probably fearing she might pounce again.

"I _warned_ you not to call me that, Hattori" she spit out angrily, shuddering from the exertion and exhilaration a fight always brought her.

She didn't miss the disappointed and actually terrified look Kudo threw her way, it must have quite scared him to find out just _what_ she was capable of doing. Sometimes, it terrified even herself.

Breathing hard, she observed the scene tensely. A girl who was probably Masumi Sera put herself between Aoko and Hattori, quietly observing what was going on. Kaito didn't lessen his grip even for a second and she could feel his rage behind her. It wasn't very apparent but the way he was shuddering as well, the fact that he wasn't containing his perfect Poker Face and instead showing his emotions overtly like that, he really must be shocked to the bone. Maybe terrified, too. And angry because she punched his new best friend, huh? Not that she gave a _fuck_.

It only took them a few short minutes to get Hattori up and out the door, wheeling him to a hospital.

"You stupid _bitch! What the hell did you do that for?!"_ Kazuha raged and that one she _did_ understand. If someone dared to beat her friend, she'd more than freak out. She'd do more than just shout at her, curse her and wish death upon her (Kazuha actually didn't do that out loud, but Aoko was sure that she did so quietly, in the darkest corners of her mind).

She didn't _really_ break his jaw. All she did was dislocate it but even that hurt like hell so it should be enough punishment. A doctor would be able to set his jaw back just fine but he'll probably feel it for quite some time. He deserved it. Even if no one but her thought that, he still deserved it.

She'd have to face consequences for sure. What was she even thinking? This was her immediate expulsion and her first class ticket to prison but really, she didn't give a fuck. He deserved to be punched and if they didn't think so, well, that wasn't her problem.

Usually, she didn't hit helpless people. Much less people who didn't see it coming. But he was a guy and he had it coming by provoking her like that. From what she was told he wasn't weak, either and should have been able to defend himself just fine.

But maybe she misjudged her own strength, let anger lead her and be unreasonable. It wasn't like she _wanted_ to hurt him like that but he still deserved it. He did.

"What the _hell was_ _that_ that, Aoko?" Kaito inquired angrily, shaking her by the elbow. "Why did you do that?! I agree he's a little pisser but _that_?"

She'd heard that tone too often to care. Saw the look of incredulousness and disappointment and _terror_ one too many time.

She didn't care.

Simple as that.

She didn't.

"Nakamori-san. This will have consequences."

"So what" Aoko hissed. "Do you think going to prison is the worst thing? Don't make me laugh. I might get a few days for this and then I'll be free again, so who cares?" Then she turned to Kaito. "And _you_ better let me the _fuck_ go right now or I'll break your jaw, too."

She felt Sera tense behind her, getting ready to pounce if she just moved a single muscle. Fortunately, though, Kaito was smart enough to let her go. He watched her with a blank face while doing it (she knew this was the worst punishment for her because he closed himself away from her again), putting both his hands inside his pants' pocket to show nonchalance. Just like _before_.

"There is honestly no need to invoke any more violence so just calm down, Aoko."

Weirdly enough it didn't make her angrier like she thought. Kaito usually just enraged her. He was the type who knew which buttons to push and he always pushed them.

She lowered her fists, tried to calm her still slightly shaking body and Sera followed from what she could see from the corner of her eye.

"Now, let's all sit down and wait for Kudo to sort this thing out."

Aoko knew that there was no thing to sort out. It was wasted time, for _all_ parties involved. That was why she didn't follow Kaito to the table but instead rounded Sera who tensed like a cat in face of danger until Aoko pushed passed her and upstairs. There was no way she'd be spending even one night in this bed. If she had any regrets then that was the only one.

She'd do them the favor and turn herself in. Taking her things (her one still unpacked bag, good thing she lazed around before) she went back down again. Kaito was already waiting at the bottom of the stairs, Masumi watching her like a hawk next to Kaito. It looked like Kaito found great friends who'd fight for him, probably even more than just that.

She was glad. Really. It was one thing she was really glad about.

"What are you doing, Aoko?"

She had thought of visiting her father but decided against it. Kudo would surely, or probably not even Kudo, just some random officer would come pick her up and put her in prison. She couldn't do that to her father. It was one thing she didn't want her father to witness. She'd brought him enough anguish as it was.

"I'm doing you a favor and turning myself in, what _else_?" She raised an eyebrow in anticipation of his next move. Not that one would come. She didn't think it would and it didn't come.

What _did_ surprise her was Kudo who just came back. He looked extremely exhausted, not angry, she couldn't detect even one ounce of anger. He looked tired, he looked like he saw too much, experienced too much. And then he fixated her with the most determined look she'd ever seen.

"What are you doing, Nakamori-san?"

She wondered if he was maybe stupid?

"What do you think? I'm turning myself in, of course. We had a deal, I broke it. End of story."

He didn't say anything to that but blocked her only exit. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, right next to Kaito. She didn't feel like fighting but if it was necessary she would.

"I imagine that punching someone is quite the bad thing to do. I'm a criminal. We both knew that this wouldn't work out."

"If I let you go now things will never change."

Aoko halted. Her mind blanked. What _the hell_ was he spouting?

"Did you just hit your head or something?"

"I'd like to talk to you, Nakamori-san. As long as we didn't talk I won't let you leave."

Aoko really didn't understand what was going on. What was he trying to accomplish? She just punched his friend, didn't she? He should be incredibly angry. He should _hate_ her. And while doing that he should _show_ her his hatred, as well. Why wasn't he?

"I _did_ ask you that, didn't I? You risked bringing me here and I hurt one of your friends. I imagine you're quite a bad friend for not throwing me out instantly. What will Hattori think of you if he finds out what you're doing right now?" She grinned sarcastically. "I could simply _make_ you get out of my way, you know?"

She felt both, Kaito and Masumi, stiffen next to her.

So, they were like a little, fiddle, cute family, huh? Digusting.

"Kuroba, Sera, leave us alone for a second." When both tried to protest, he silenced them. "Just go. I can take care of myself."

He was talking about her as if she was a wild beast. Maybe she was.

"There is no need for that. Really" Aoko intervened. "Look, Kudo, I know what you're trying to do. You think I'm that poor soul, that poor little girl who went through _shit_ and can miraculously be saved by some stupid hero. You think if you just give me a chance I might change, right? I might be saved. Well, tough luck, I'm way beyond that line. You can't _save_ me, no one can. Really, I don't even _need_ saving. People can be good or they can be bad. There is a lot of grey in between. Accept that I'm purely bad and go on living."

"Alright. I'd just like you to answer one question. I'll let you do whatever you want after that."

She nodded tensely.

"Why did you decide to stay here instead of going to prison right away?"

"Because I'm a criminal. Going to prison would be too easy, don't you think? This way I could commit one more crime." She grimaced. This was such a charade. What did he want from her?

"Would you like to know what I think?"

She shook her head. "Actually, no I would not."

With that she pushed passed Kaito and Masumi an steered right towards Kudo.

"Eight days ago, before you passed out" he continued.

"You said _one_ question, _tantei-san_. This is a second one."

"You thanked me for trying, for giving you a chance. I think that is the only thing you strive for. Am I right? You want someone to give you a chance. "

Aoko abruptly stopped. Stupid, dumb, wicked, suicidal _detectives_. What the hell did they think they knew? The way he looked at her, like he _knew her when he knew shit_. She raised her fist, just a few more steps, three, two, one, she lunged.

But her fist never met his face.


	4. Tranquil

**Bonds**

 **Chapter 3 Tranquil**

Aoko sighed heavily.

She was lying in her new bed, on her back, watching her raised arm and wondering why she couldn't go through with hitting Kudo.

Well, no, she didn't really wonder. She was no monster. Even if she sometimes had anger issues, she didn't hit defenseless people. Much less those who she knew wouldn't fight back.

He hadn't even raised his arms in defense.

Masumi and Kaito pulled her back quite forcefully but it wasn't like they could have prevented it. If she hadn't stopped herself she would have hit Kudo. Hard.

She could stay, that's what Kudo told her. She was still welcome, of course, if she decided to hit Hattori, or anyone for that matter, again, he'd throw her in that cell himself. She was supposed to apologize to Hattori as well. And then he said that she needed to take some anger management courses. He said he knew a doctor who'd be able to help her.

Well. Aoko didn't decline any of it but she neither approved of it. It wasn't like she had a choice, though, and she'd go through with it since Kudo also promised to talk Hattori into not pressing charges against her.

In the end she really didn't care either way. She'd do the therapy like Kudo proposed and she'd apologize to Hattori and she'd try her hardest to not hit anyone again.

Maybe there was still a small part of the old Aoko who did everything to please others. The incredibly nice and naïve Aoko who saw the world in black and whites. A thief was bad and the police was good. There was no in-between. No thief who could be stealing bread because he has nothing to eat and no police officer who could be killing people simply for the joy of it.

Aoko felt calm again. She couldn't remember the last time she could simply lie in bed and not have to be prepared for some kind of attack or outburst. No one bothered her here, no one expected things from her (well, apart from those mentioned before).

Slowly, she pushed down the sleeve on her right arm, revealing a long thick scar going from her wrist to her elbow. She usually covered it up, not liking the stares or worse, the questions. But right now, there was no one there. No one who'd demand an answer to something that was never any of their business.

With a ghostly touch she ran her finger across the scar. It felt as fresh as ever even if the scar was already about five years old. It didn't hurt but it hadn't back then, either. Not even when she had plunged the knife into her skin.

It had healed considerably well but the scar will probably never fully vanish, forever taunting her failed attempt at ending things once and for all.

She wondered if Kudo knew that she'd once been seeing a therapist. She'd even been prescribed antidepressants. She'd even taken them for a while. Until the side effects became too much and the therapist wasn't helping, either. That was when she decided that she didn't need any of it. She was better off on her own, anyway.

She hoped Kudo had someone else in mind and not that stupid guy who called himself a doctor. Well, she'd probably go anyway, just to humor Kudo in the very least but if he wanted things to get better (not that she actually believed that they might) he'd have to find someone competent for a change.

Sighing again, she let her hands fall down.

Back then wasn't much different from now. Her father had been devastated when he found out about her suicide attempt. She freely chose to go see the therapist to lessen his guilt but maybe _he_ should have gone instead of her since he never seemed to get better anymore. Maybe, though, it had to do with the fact that she didn't get better, either but sometimes, Nakamori Aoko simply didn't want to see some things.

Maybe, if she told her father that she was seeing a new therapist, he'd get better now. Maybe it would help him if he saw that she tried to get her life back together again. Maybe it would help him recover if he saw that she was living with people who were actually on the right side of the law.

Maybe he'd be able to sleep again.

Turning on her side, Aoko faced the wall in front of her. It was a bleak white. Would Kudo mind if she painted it some color? Maybe blue, just like the name she was given. Or maybe black like that dark soul of hers. White was the color of purity and pure was the last attribute she'd describe herself with.

Or maybe she should choose a happy color once in a while, something like yellow or orange. Wasn't it supposed to suppress aggression or something? Maybe Kudo would appreciate it.

Pulling her sleeve back down so people didn't accidently see it (not that she could hide it forever, she knew that much but she preferred some other time for them to find out and ask stupid questions) Aoko tugged at her leather band. It was the only thing that she kept. The only thing that reminded her of _her_.

Closing her eyes and pulling her right arm to her chest, Aoko breathed in deeply.

It was nice to have some quiet but whenever the girl was alone and in no immediate danger, those thoughts always came back to her. They'd remind her of her failures, occupying her mind with such an intensity that she cannot help but start distracting herself. Those distractions, though, they always ended up in the worst ways possible because a simple book or movie could never get her mind off of the memories, the regret and the deep, deep pain that tried to suffocate her.

She'd curl in on herself, clutch her head, shut her eyes tight and hope and beg to stop seeing those things. Sometimes she'd let it because she couldn't help but feel that she deserved all that pain, all that torture. It was her punishment for failing like that.

Other times it was simply too much for her to bear and, mostly, she was close to ending things again and again but there was always someone or something stopping her and in the end she ended with other things which distracted her.

Thankfully, though, her door was slammed open which successfully got her out of the funk.

Startled, she jumped up, crouching into a fighting position to fight whoever lunged at her.

" _Dammit_ Hattori, stay _back!_ " came the annoyed voice of none other than the detective of the east and in her door stood none other than the detective of the west.

Well, he looked better than Aoko imagined.

His face wasn't swollen and he really looked like always. Of course, he was certainly still in pain but things could have been much worse. (She could have broken his jaw instead.)

Aoko visibly relaxed, jumped down from her bed and faced him with some distance (getting too close to him might have some unwanted effects as in he might try to punch her back).

Closing her eyes, she bowed deep. "I'm sorry, Hattori."

She sounded as if she meant it but both of them knew that she was only halfhearted about it. He deserved it. No matter what he said or did, he deserved it. Still, Kudo had made those conditions and she would be obedient (just this once).

"Now, accept the apology, Hattori". Kudo grumbled before hearing his footsteps surprisingly getting softer and softer the farther he went. Aoko didn't think he'd really leave her alone with Hattori after he saw what she was capable of. (He couldn't possibly trust her _that_ much.)

"Che", Hattori muttered and left as well.

Aoko blinked, watching her feet firmly planted on the ground – there was no carpet, maybe she should get one. The parquet floor was nice beneath her feet, somehow raw and cold but at the same time earthly and soothing.

She wondered if she was going crazy.

* * *

After Aoko finally unpacked her things (though it didn't take long to unpack her five things), she sat down to do some homework. The incident with Hattori had successfully gotten her out of her thoughts so she could get some stuff done.

She had applied for a psychology degree and weirdly enough she'd been good enough and gotten accepted. That was two years ago and while she liked the subjects, they were quite hard, especially since she skipped most lectures and had to work it all out on her own. Aoko was clever enough to be able to understand all of it but it took her some time which she scarcely had.

Today, though, she was able to get half of an essay done which was due in a few days. Maybe she'd even attend tomorrow's classes. It was probably the best choice considering her new housemates who straight out hated her.

Stretching her tired muscles Aoko stood up and left her room. It was close to morning so she didn't think anyone would be awake at this time of night. However, she soon realized that in this house there was no such thing as normality.

Kudo was sitting at the dining table, a notebook in front of him, several papers scattered around it. He hadn't slept a wink and he honestly looked like it.

When Shinichi noticed the girl walking down the stairs, he looked up, surprised to find her awake.

"Nakamori-san", he nodded and closed the notebook shut. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked, sounding genuinely interested.

"Something like that", she answered.

"You should eat something. When was the last time you ate, huh? I'm sure Ran left something in the fridge. Just help yourself."

Aoko sat down next to him, ignoring his talk about food, taking one paper into a hand and observed it.

"It's some cases we couldn't solve", he informed her gravely. "I think like there is a link but I can't seem to find it. It's all pieces of a puzzle, probably the same puzzle but I can't seem to be able to put it together."

The paper Aoko held was about a girl, age 18, Tamura Nako. Certainly she'd been a pretty girl, a bright one with a future ahead of her which was brutally taken away from her.

"Ah, that reminds me, Nakamori-san. How did you know about the victim's feelings?"

Aoko put the paper back on the table, fighting the urge to vomit. Thinking about Kudo's question helped her to calm down again.

"It'll sound crazy."

He watched her like a hawk. "I think I saw my share of craziness. I doubt there's something that might make me doubt you."

Aoko arched an eyebrow but didn't question it any further. "Whenever I touch a dead person I can see or feel their last moments. It always varies. Sometimes I'm put in their bodies, watching the person they know or not kill them, sometimes it's just a feeling, cold or terror, sometimes it's just memories. People usually feel something when committing suicide, as well but sometimes they don't. It always differs but the challenge in convicting the murderer often lies more within finding evidence than finding out who the murderer is."

Shinichi looked honestly interested in her story. "Is that with everyone like that? If I for example touched you, could you tell what I think?"

Aoko shook her head. "No, I don't think so. It's mostly just with dead people. I don't know why, though. Sometimes, but I've experienced it just once or twice so far, when people are overwhelmed with emotion and it doesn't matter what kind it is, and they touch me I get to feel it, too. But as I said that's pretty rare."

Shinichi nodded, the gears in his head turning. "So that is how you helped out Megure-keibu before, huh?"

Aoko shrugged. "I guess. But I never did much, I just directed them towards the murderer if I knew who it was. Most of those guys are really smart and they were always able to figure it out themselves."

Kudo nodded again. "Though I do think that you did help them quite considerably, even Megure-keibu noticed that much. Anyway, have you given any thought to what I proposed before?"

Aoko watched Shinichi watching her. He was wide awake, no more sleepiness hanging around him. His sharp eyes were fixated on her, probably counting how many breaths she took.

She turned away from him and started tugging at her leather band. She knew it was a bad habit she did whenever she didn't feel quite at ease. "I did."

"Hattori won't press any charges against you and I don't think he'll provoke you again. But since he's _Hattori_ I can't guarantee he won't do anything. Kazuha-chan was pretty angry and she'll need time to calm down. I'm not going to lecture you just, maybe, restrain from engaging in conversations with those two."

Aoko stood up to get a glass of water. She'd actually not eaten since getting out of the hospital but she was used to skipping meals. She knew it wasn't healthy and it wouldn't do her any good, not when she needed to keep her physical health but there were times when she just couldn't get anything down.

She liked the design of the kitchen. There was the counter on the wall side with the fridge and cabinets. Opposite of it was a second counter with the oven. It was freely standing in the middle of the room, not pushed to any wall and behind it was something of a table with chairs to sit on so if you cooked and someone wanted to stay close, they could.

It was really spacey and nice. Aoko liked it very much, so much that she'd definitely cook something sometime.

"Glasses and cups are on the right side. On the left are the plates. All of them in the higher cupboards."

Aoko nodded gratefully, though not caring that he might not see her appreciation but that was another thing she didn't care about.

Finding a glass, she filled it with water and went back to sit next to Kudo.

"So? Will you go see a therapist?" he asked somewhat antsy.

"Say, tantei-san. What exactly do you hope to achieve by that?" Turning towards him she fixated him with a questioning look.

"You're mentally ill, Nakamori-san. That's what I came to believe since I met you. Punching someone to the degree as to dislocating his jaw just because he called you a name is not healthy behavior. I believe talking to an expert will help you."

"Ne, tantei-san, you _do_ know that I _saw_ a therapist before, right? I'm sure there is a medical file about me and I'm pretty sure you know everything about me."

"In fact, I do. But I promise not to ask any questions even if I _am_ quite curious to know the _why_ s. Still, I know about your previous counseling sessions and I'll introduce you to someone who is great in that field. Of course, it'll be for naught if you don't cooperate."

Aoko shrugged. "It's not like I have a choice." She sounded dull even to herself.

"Attending but not really trying is not going to help much, either."

Aoko watched him with a doubtful look. "I study psychology; I could very well counsel myself."

"You know that's not possible."

Aoko sighed, pinching her nose in frustration. "Well, it's not and having me attend the therapy is all you can ask of me, Kudo-san."

"Alright", he agreed. "That's all I'll ask for."

"Why are you doing all this?" She asked all of a sudden, surprising herself more than him.

 _Dammit you idiot, what the hell are you even asking?!_

"Never mind. I don't actually want to know", she hastily responded, her body in full defense mode.

"Alright, but once you'd like to know just ask me."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever makes you sleep well at night."

 _Shut up already, idiot!_

With that she stood up and hastily returned to her room, her still full glass long forgotten.

* * *

"Not closing your door, this is unlike you, Aoko."

"What do you want, Kaito? And don't even get me started on what is like and unlike me. You don't know a single thing about me, not anymore."

"Then I'll just get to know you again. How about we start with you taking some nutrition inside that body of yours."

"Kaito, it's the dead of the night, go to bed. I really have no nerves for this right now."

Aoko was lying face down in her bed and Kaito was leaning against her doorframe, watching her intently, a glass inside his hand. Pushing himself from the door, Kaito walked over to his, to him, still friend. He put the glass down on her night stand and kneeled next to her.

"Did you eavesdrop on Kudo and me?"

"I wouldn't call it eavesdropping if you didn't notice me sitting on the couch."

Aoko froze. What? Kaito had been sitting on the couch? She never noticed there was someone else with them inside that room. Now that was concerning.

She could explain things with tiredness or maybe she let her guard down around here (way too soon, she's not been here for a full day yet), maybe she just let her guard down around Kudo and that was why she didn't notice Kaito.

Or maybe she was still so used to his presence, so at ease that she tuned him out completely.

She turned her head his way, watching him crossly. "What do you _want_ , Kaito?"

He gently touched her cheek, his face unreadable. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" she asked, her voice laced with annoyance.

"I shouldn't have left you like that, back then." He looked like he seriously regretted it. "Sometimes I wish I could turn back the time."

"Yeah, well, there are things I shouldn't have done, either and yet, here we are. Crying about it won't change anything."

"You're right." With that he pulled away from her, stood back up and left.

Aoko sighed, all of a sudden being exhausted beyond belief. That's certainly _not_ how she expected her night to turn out. Especially not so calm. She'd expected a raging Hattori and Toyama, a scolding Kudo and maybe Mouri, a judging Kuroba but most certainly not this.

Deciding to get back up and read a book, Aoko ended her night for today.

(She wouldn't admit to anyone and much less to herself that his touch had felt nice, his fingers warm and soft, softer than hers, and once he took his hand away, she felt instantly cold but she'd never admit it had anything to do with him. No. It was just the room. She was only cold because she was tired. Yeah.)


	5. Avenger Angel

**Chapter 4 Avenger angel**

It was a rather rambunctious morning and the boisterous laughter coming from downstairs was what got her out of bed. It wasn't like Aoko had slept a wink anyway but solitude was a nice way to spend some time. Since it was high time to get up and attend her university courses anyway, the girl decided to face the music and get it over with. Maybe those guys have calmed down, maybe they weren't as judging anymore. Well, maybe not. Still, it wasn't like she had a choice and unless she wanted to leave through her window, which she totally could and would, she'd have to face them anyway.

"Look who finally got up. So, who are you gonna kick today?"

It was the Suzuki girl who almost immediately upon seeing her had to verbally attack her. It wasn't like Aoko blamed her or anything. The Suzuki girl hated this probably much more than she herself and if the other option hasn't been a prison cell, she certainly wouldn't have agreed to these conditions. But things were as they were and Aoko didn't feel like fighting that girl.

She was no monster even though she was sure that's what people associated her with.

It must have been the same with these people, though, only seeing the bad things she'd done, not that they knew what she'd done but – sighing, Aoko decided not to care. They wouldn't understand anyway, not that she wanted them to understand or anything.

"Stop it, Sonoko," Shinichi said gruffly and turned his head to watch Aoko. "Come sit down and have breakfast with us, Nakamori-san."

He looked genuine enough and Aoko felt inclined to do just that, even if just to spite that hideous girl but it was too early in the morning and she was too tired to put up with these people who openly showed what they'd thought about her joining them at the breakfast table. She wasn't scared and she never left out even one fight but she had to live with these people for who knew how long and maybe, even for just her own sanity, retreat was the better option right now.

"Nah, thanks for the invitation but I-"

"No, let me rephrase that, Nakamori-san. Breakfast is the only time we spend regularly together and since you're living here now, that applies to you, too. Sit down and have breakfast with us."

Maybe she would have joined them but she wasn't really hungry and she didn't feel like taking all the shit the Suzuki girl would doubtlessly throw her way. And since that girl was physically weak, Aoko couldn't simply fight her, either. She'd have to shut her mouth some other way and Kudo might disapprove of that so really, Aoko didn't feel one bit like joining them.

Openly showing her displeasure with Kudo's order, because honestly, it was just that, wasn't it? He didn't simply ask her to join them, he _ordered_ her to and Aoko really didn't answer well to orders. Maybe before, she wouldn't have taken it as an order and happily joined them, but before, even more than now, she would have minded the stares and the nasty words and really, what was there for her to gain from this? This was a losing battle for her. Also, she had classes to attend. Kudo could stick that dumb order down his tight ass is what he could do.

But, and maybe it was to everyone's blessing, Kudo's phone rang and Aoko wasn't even surprised anymore that it was another case, another dead person waiting for them to find the murderer and bring a little more justice to this world. Only there was no justice. Just because the murderer was found, didn't mean the dead person would wake up again, start living again. Unfortunately, death was irrevocable and unless it was an eye for an eye, Aoko didn't believe in justice anymore. And even the eye for an eye only brought more pain, more blood and not one bit of the justice she once so strongly believed in.

And yet – in the end, she herself would go for the eye for an eye.

* * *

The crime scene was a mess when they arrived only 15 minutes later and she honestly could have done without Hattori but damned be Kudo for allowing that Osakan moron to tag along. Ah well, this were Kudo's rules and terms and conditions. She'd just ignore the detective of the west, act as if he didn't exist and then maybe he wouldn't bother with her either – why she was so bothered in the first place, she didn't know.

Aoko followed the two detectives, followed the blood path from the hall to the blood bathed room and felt like puking when she saw the remnants of what used to be a – girl, Aoko assumed but couldn't be too sure. Raising her hand to her mouth to stop the gagging reflex, she turned around and tried to _breathe_. Bad idea though since the air was filled with blood and gore and _death_ and –

"Nakamori-san. Get out, talk to the witnesses … or wait in the car, here are the keys."

She felt Kudo's hand on her shoulder and heard his exasperated words but she was sure he was as shaken as her only his stomach must be more used to these kinds of crime scenes because he must have seen many more – not that probably even he himself would ever get used to the sight.

She braced her arm on the wall in front of her to steady herself and tried to _breathe_ without _smelling_ the mess behind her but it was harder than she imagined and maybe if she got it over with faster she could leave the room _altogether_.

"Nakamori-san." Kudo sounded a tad bit worried and maybe he regretted having taken her along, maybe she did too.

Aoko shook her head and straightened herself again. "I'm fine" she mouthed through gritted teeth.

"Oi, if ya'r unable ta stomach tha scene, ya should just leave, _aho_."

Well, if that wasn't incentive enough for Aoko to get it over with, she didn't know what was. Never would she give _Hattori_ the satisfaction of being right and knowing something better than her – even if he _was_ right and she wished nothing else than to be out of this room.

"Damn it, Hattori, _stop_ this."

The two of them started arguing about her but Aoko shut their voices out of her mind, grabbed a rubber glove from Hattori, ignored his pointed _oi_ and only stopped walking when she was in front of what was left of the girl's head. Aoko swallowed her stomach's contents which wanted to get back out so _bad_ , not that there was much inside anyway.

Squatting down, Aoko touched a blood covered piece of the girl's head and tried to ignore how it was probably the girls brain she was able to touch and oh my god – but then darkness surrounded her, terror filling her, chilling her to her bones and she stilled.

 _No_ a voice screamed in her head which wasn't her own, feeling cold terror. She felt her hair sticking to the front of her face, wet – from blood? She saw blurry faces, felt her bones break, screams, laughter, brightness and then darkness, pain, tears and pain, pain, pain. And then there was a smile, a grin, a sadistic person with teeth as white as snow, filling her with never before felt terror. Chilling her, freezing and then there was the desperate _want_ to _live, survive_. She wanted to _live_ because there was so much she still wanted to do with her life but she saw the hammer, saw the hand with the tattoo on it, saw the hammer and couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe, she felt such bad terror and then the pain erupted and stopped.

Aoko jolted upwards, jumping to her feet, turning around in a flash, pushing the two detectives out of her way, and ran out of the room. Her stomach was in an upheaval and before she could stop it she was gagging on nothing but her own spit.

* * *

"Dammit, Kudo. Why did ya bring that _aho_ along again?"

Brining Aoko along was simply because of his own selfish wish to keep her away from Ran and the rest – from trouble if you might. He wasn't worried that she might hurt Ran or even Sonoko, though he couldn't completely rule that out, either. For now, he couldn't trust that girl and having her with him at all times was his best bet.

"With Sonoko being herself it's better if Nakamori is out of her reach."

Heiji groaned and Kudo looked after the distressed, retching girl. "And what tha _fuck_ was she doin touching tha corpse like that?"

Kudo grimaced and then turned around. "Don't worry about that."

Maybe brining her along wasn't his best idea – or maybe he should have made sure with Megure that the crime scene wasn't as brutal but when was a crime scene _ever not_ brutal?

Sighing again, he pinched his nose in distress. He needed to finish a job before he took care of Nakamori. Though, he had to admit that focusing felt kind of hard after he watched her reaction. It was so different from last time when she just stood up, a blank face and no emotions. This time, he could _see_ the pain in her face, the pain, if what she told him was true, was the victim's pain and – turning towards the dead girl – he could only imagine _what_ kind of pain she must have felt.

The 17-year-old girl, Yamada Miyako, had been kidnapped two months ago, with no chance of finding her alive. They found her _now_ but now was too late and Kudo bit his tongue in bitterness. If they had just found her even a day sooner – closing his eyes, Kudo swallowed those thoughts. They were distracting him from focusing on the important things. If he found her kidnapper – her killer – he couldn't bring her back but at least then that person wouldn't get away with it. He would bring justice, even if it was seemingly nothing compared to the irrevocably lost life.

From the looks of the room, the chains on the wall, the bowls on the floor, she must have been kept in this room – treated like an animal – until she found her untimely end.

The inhabitant was in another room, being interrogated by the police – it wasn't that person who called the police but the neighbors who heard a terrifying scream with following _bangs_ who alarmed the police. Apparently, they had heard screams now and then but never reported it – Kudo wondered why. If they had just told the police a _day_ sooner –

Sighing again, the detective inspected the room but couldn't find anything which might get him further. Maybe it was high time to check up on Nakamori. She might have seen some clues.

"I'll check up on Nakamori, go help with the interrogation," he instructed Hattori who glared at him.

"It's yar own damn fault for bringin her her' and wastin yar time on her. _Aho_."

Shinichi rolled his eyes in annoyance and left Hattori to look for the shaken girl. Sure, somewhere she was a hindrance but now she was there and he was responsible for her.

* * *

Aoko didn't know where she was going but she stopped once cold air embraced her burning skin, supplying her with air – but air wasn't arriving in her lungs like she wanted.

Darkness was still gripping her, embracing her in that suffocating, burning hug she couldn't run away from. Flashbacks to a night she couldn't go back to, a tragic moment she couldn't turn back anymore, death, death, death gripping her hard in its clutches and never letting go. Ever since that incident five years ago, death never let go of her. it had its claws around her, cutting the air around her so that she was suffocating, all the time suffocating, plagued by guilt and sorrow for being too late. For running after a dead phantom when there had been a very real _living_ person waiting for her, needing her.

Shuddering and desperately trying to _breathe_ , Aoko firmly shut her eyes closed – trying to run away from those plaguing thoughts. But to no avail.

It was there.

She was back in the alley. Drenched to the bone, out of breath. She tried to _breathe_ but didn't know _how._

It was dark again and she was all alone again. Alone with the only person she couldn't bear to lose anymore.

She was back there in the alley, shaking the girl, shaking, screaming, telling her to get up, trying to stop the bleeding. All the blood, there was so much blood, it was so cold, so cold, _she_ was so cold.

Screaming, someone was screaming, her chest felt on fire, her lungs burned because she couldn't _breathe_.

 _This is not real_. Her mind whispered. _This is not real. Snap out of it._

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so _much_. She was back in that alley, five years ago. She was again the small girl she'd been back then. The small fragile girl who'd lost everything.

"Nakamori!"

A voice and then shaking.

Blood, there was blood all around. There was blood, blood _bloodblood_. It was all red, and wet, and cold.

"Oi, Nakamori! Snap out of it!"

Aoko ripped her eyes open, clutching at her chest, gulping for air which wasn't entering her system.

"Oi, calm down. You're hyperventilating. Calm down. Look at me, Nakamori-san. Look at me."

There were words she registered, there was this voice, this persistent annoying voice she couldn't shut out and then her face was turned one way and there was a face in front of her.

Slowly coming back to her senses, Aoko tried fumbling for her shot. It was bright outside, sunny, barely midday. She was at a crime scene and even though there was a dead body somewhere behind her, it wasn't _that_ person. She was back five years in the future. She wasn't drenched and while she still had the blood-soaked glove on, there was no more blood.

"Nakamori-san."

His persistent voice brought her back but Aoko couldn't talk to him, she couldn't look at him. She needed her shot, she needed the shot, she-

Luckily, Kudo wasn't as fast as her, maybe simply because he wasn't prepared for her actions and before he could interfere, she rammed the needle in her thigh.

"Oi, w-what the fuck are you doing, Nakamori?!" he spluttered in surprise, grabbing the syringe and yanking it out of her leg. "Are you doing drugs?!"

Leaning against the wall, Aoko gulped for air – he'd taken her medicine but she had been fast enough to get out enough to calm her again. Finally, finally she was able to breathe again. Still shaking, she sank in on her, not caring at all that Kudo was right beside her, seeing her in her weakest state. He probably thought she was a damn addict anyway, it's not like anyone ever looked behind the curtains, tried to see how the actress was doing off stage. No one ever tried to find the truth when she was concerned, so it wasn't like she expected him to be the first or anything. He was just like all of them.

Suddenly her face was yanked upwards, turning towards an angry looking detective. But his face softened just a tiny bit when he watched her for a tiny moment. She wondered what he saw – or maybe not. Not that she cared anyway.

Chest heaving in a futile attempt to get all the oxygen she had not given her body, she watched him tiredly.

After a while he let her go and Aoko sank against the wall again, closing her eyes. Her shudders weakened and she'd be back to her usual self soon.

Surprisingly, Kudo sat down next to her and leaned against the wall, giving her space and time to – well, Aoko didn't know. Why was he trying to be _considerate_ or did he have another incentive altogether? Aoko didn't know and didn't feel like finding out.

The birds were chirping, and the cars were driving around, bathing the world in noise. The wind was blowing softly, blowing through her hair warmed by the sun. All the thoughts of being back there, back in the dark, cold alley went back to the back of her mind, retreating but never leaving and never staying away for too long. They'd come back soon, hunting and haunting her until the day she died – or who knows, maybe even longer. Maybe those memories would haunt her forever. God knows she deserved that.

"Are you feeling better, Nakamori-san?"

His voice sounded genuine enough, no anger and no bitterness, at least she couldn't detect anything like that underlying in his tone. Worry, maybe there was a bit worry but she could be wrong. Why would he even worry about her?

"The murderer is left-handed and has a tattoo at the back of his hand. It's black but I couldn't well recognize the motive. But I guess it doesn't matter. There shouldn't be too many people around here with tattoos on their hands. He hit her with a hammer. And there had been others. Before. But I couldn't recognize any even if I wanted to."

"Did you see it?"

Aoko nodded and swallowed hard. She didn't want to go back to that place even if that weren't her memories, her pain and her despair. But it was similar to what she experienced, the same kind of hopelessness, despair and terror filling her body, chilling her to the core. The girl hadn't wanted to die. She had wanted to live, she had wanted to do so many things and there had been hope that someone might save her or she might be released – even if her chances might have been slim, she still had hoped. Maybe that was the worst feeling. The realization that that hope was gone, there he was a moment away to take the life and no one would come and save her. It was over.

"She didn't want to die. But she must have told him something which aggravated him enough to get the weapon and kill her. She'd been hoping all along for someone to come and save her. When she saw him holding the weapon she knew she'd die. She felt terror, she-"

"It's alright. Just, don't think about it, alright?"

He squeezed her shoulder in reassurance and nodded. "I'll go wrap up the case. Stay here or go back to the car."

Aoko nodded and with that he left.

* * *

"Nakamori Aoko. How do you feel?"

Aoko sighed. There she was, visiting yet another useless psychologist who wouldn't be able to help her.

She leaned back in the cozy sofa, at least she was sitting on a warm and cozy sofa, in a warm and dry room where probably no one wanted to hurt her – but she wasn't too sure about the last part. Usually, people wanted nothing else but hurt her, attack her, kill her. There was Kaito who _maybe_ didn't want to hurt her but then again, she didn't know _what_ he wanted. She couldn't trust him, either.

"Alright, then, let me introduce myself properly."

Aoko sighed inertly and closed her eyes. She didn't care what Kudo wanted or what this woman had to tell her. Whoever she was, Aoko didn't care.

Kudo had amazingly finished the case quite quickly. A mother and her son were living in that apartment and that son killed the young woman. He had been a violent boy for all his life, committing crime after crime but only now he reverted to murder – because it was thrilling. All of them were quite happy he didn't turn into a serial killer – he had all he needed for that.

His mother knew about the girl, had been brining her food and water but she did what her son told her and so both would spend their time in prison. She didn't want to know the rest, the why's and how's, she just wanted to forget, forget the go-

"My name's Vineyard Sharon. I'm a former member of a deadly organization. Honestly, I don't see what silver bullet tries to achieve with this."

 _Vermouth, huh._

Well, that brought her back quite fast. Vermouth had been part of that wretched Black Organization. They'd been taken down two years ago.

Raising a brow, Aoko looked up. "Oh really. And they'd let a murderer walk around like that? Yeah sure."

The woman smirked knowingly. "I don't care if you believe me or not. Let's just say I helped with taking down the organization and we stroke a deal. But you should know how that works, don't you?"

 _Yeah, strike deals with murderers. Well done Japanese police. You couldn't have sunk any lower._

So much for justice. Striking deals with criminals, murderers – for Aoko there was nothing worse. In the end though, she was the same, wasn't she? She should have been in prison too but the justice gave her yet another chance, yet another possibility to kill and hurt and take. They should stop striking deals with criminals. They should stop. It was wrong.

Pinching her nose – and what was the purpose of this anyway? Why did Kudo want her to talk to this woman who he had introduced as an expert psychologist. One heck of a psychologist this woman was who right away told her the truth. And Kudo's lie.

Aoko should be angry, Kudo shouldn't have lied to her but then again, she didn't care. So he lied – it wasn't like people told her the truth anyway. This woman too, she could be lying, telling her more lies and she'd never be the wiser.

But she remembered Vermouth from the pictures and could tell that this tall, blond, pretty woman was in fact Vineyard Chris – Vermouth.

Unless this was Kaito or his mother with their endless skill of pulling her leg.

"How about we just talk? Or we could just sit out the time we are required to sit here. Unfortunately, Silver bullet is waiting outside so leaving earlier won't work."

That's right. After Kudo had wrapped up the case, he had Hattori picked up by his girlfriend and then drove her here. He had tried explaining again why this was necessary and good for her, how she might be finally able to let go and heal though it wasn't like there _was_ something to _let_ go. She had _let_ go of her life a long time ago and yet, here she still was.

"Fine then, let's spend the rest of the time in silence, _avenger angel_."

* * *

 _Avenger angel, huh?_ Avenger, yes, maybe. Angel? Hardly.

What that woman was thinking was beyond Aoko. But it didn't matter. The woman had stood up and started playing piano – so much for spending the rest of the time in silence but in hindsight Aoko was glad for the noise. Her piano skills weren't half bad either and so it kept the dark thoughts out of her mind.

Aoko hadn't really relaxed, she'd had her guard up all the time, but she let herself listen to the tune. She kept the thoughts away from her, focusing on the music only. It helped. She liked it.

Eventually, Kudo had come in, annoyed at the scene he stumbled upon and he threw her out in order to talk to that woman alone. Aoko felt irritation at that but at the same time – that woman wasn't a psychologist so what could she tell him? Sure, Aoko was uncooperative but then again the woman wasn't who Kudo had told her she was. Nakamori was only being considerate and besides, she stayed there and kept listening to that woman. She easily could have walked out and left. Easily.

To say that Kudo was unpleased with her was the understatement of the century but what had he expected anyway? She _didn't_ have to answer to his every command, ok maybe that was part of the deal but she was a criminal and if they really though strikingt deals with criminals were a good idea then maybe they needed to think again.

So, Kudo had raged in silence but Aoko didn't care. He drove her back and she silently disappeared into her room, never to be seen again.

She had stayed until night when she jumped out the window and left for an illegal fight.

She needed to relieve stress. Today had been taxing to say the least. She wasn't good with emotions and feelings – she had too many of those and they were killing her. Fighting usually wore her out to the point that she was too tired to think and was even able to sleep for a few hours. They condemned her for all the illegal fighting but it was her lifeline. If she _had_ to live, she needed to fight.

It was warm, stuffy, the air felt suffocating but in a good way. It smelled like sweat and blood but in a good way. The screams, the chants, they weren't deafening but encouraging. She was the champion here, undefeated even though many tried and many got her bad but in the end she always prevailed, even if her bones were broken, even if she lost half her blood, she never gave up.

Maybe though she was just crazy. And suicidal. Maybe, and many people rumored, she should have died, she should have succumbed to her injuries once or twice or many times. Some called her a witch, others a demon who was undefeatable though it never stopped anyone from trying anyway.

And then she opened her eyes and attacked.

* * *

OMG I'm incredibly sorry for the incredibly long wait. This story is so incredibly difficult to write even though I know exactly what is supposed to happen and I have so many ideas but... yeah ^^" and then there's life and everything.

Still, hopefully I'm back to updating more regularly.

Hope, you liked it.


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